Confidence and Self-Esteem

In the vast landscape that encompasses why people seek out Talking Therapy services, two pillars stand tall: self-confidence and self-esteem. These qualities serve as the bedrock upon which we build our sense of self-worth and navigate the challenges of life with resilience and assurance.

Confident individuals typically possess a favourable self-image and an innate confidence in their capabilities to succeed and handle challenges. Conversely, those with low self-esteem find it challenging to recognise, appreciate, and perceive themselves positively. While these characteristics differ, there is some overlap.

Managing these emotions is not a linear path, as feelings of inadequacy, scarcity, self-doubt, and self-dislike often intertwine with our experiences from childhood which form our beliefs about ourselves as adults. These emotions can grip us tightly, making change seem daunting even when, as adults, we recognise their irrationality.

You didn’t enter this world lacking in self-confidence and self-esteem. These states were acquired through experiences or traumas, becoming ingrained into your subconscious as part of your internal programming. The encouraging news is that since they were learned, they can be unlearned. Think back to when you were a toddler learning to walk. You stumbled and fell countless times before mastering the skill. Yet, never once did you conclude, “I suppose walking isn’t for me. I’ll just crawl through life instead!” No, you persisted with unwavering self-confidence until you succeeded.

When children repeatedly make mistakes and are corrected, the feedback can often be perceived negatively. If the corrections are delivered in a harsh or critical manner, or if the child feels embarrassed or ashamed, they might start to internalise these experiences and form negative beliefs about themselves, and their abilities based on repeated experiences. For example, “I keep making mistakes, so I am obviously no good at this.”

Over time the child might adopt negative labels such as “stupid,” “incapable,” or “a failure.” These negative beliefs can be reinforced by interactions with parents, teachers, and peers. If these individuals also express doubt or criticism, it can strengthen the child’s negative self-view. Observing peers who succeed where they fail can further entrench the belief that they are less capable. This can lead to avoidance. Believing they are not capable, children might start to avoid activities where they fear failure, limiting their opportunities to learn and grow. Negative beliefs can lead to decreased effort and persistence, which in turn leads to more failures, reinforcing the original belief. This then sets up a thought loop that repeats which has been introduced by the adults around them and absorbed and accepted by the child as fact, becoming embedded in their subconscious as part of their internal programming.

The knock-on effect can be anxiety and fear. Fear of making mistakes can lead to anxiety, which can impair performance and increase the likelihood of errors. Over time, repeated negative experiences and the accompanying beliefs can erode a child’s self-esteem, making it harder for them to take on new challenges.

This is and example of how a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem can evolve and become part of our “I’m not good enough” internal programming which we run as adults without any conscious thought.

Some strategies that can help you overcome these negative  emotional states include:

Practice self-compassion: Embrace self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and empathy. Refrain from harsh judgments or criticism, recognising that we tend to be toughest on ourselves. Practicing self-compassion nurtures personal growth and cultivates a healthier self-perception.

Challenging negative self-talk: Pay attention to your inner voice and confront any self-imposed limitations. Swap out the negative chatter with positive affirmations that highlight your capabilities and potential.

Setting realistic goals: Break big goals down into smaller achievable goals. Achieving these milestones has a compound effect which is to boost your feeling of self-confidence. Celebrate these wins however small.

Cultivating self-awareness: Take time to properly consider your values,interests and boundaries. All decisions should be congruent with your authentic self which serves to strengthen your self-identity and feeling of self-worth.

Stepping out of your comfort zone: Genuine growth in life unfolds beyond the confines of your comfort zone. Every step taken beyond its boundaries fortifies your resilience, nurturing your capacity to navigate uncharted territories with confidence.

Surrounding yourself with supportive relationships: Nurture connections with individuals who uplift and encourage you. Find mentors who you can learn from that provide unwavering support and belief in you even when you doubt yourself.

Expressing gratitude: Nurture a mindset of thankfulness and embrace all the good in your life. Gratitude nurtures a feeling of plenty by directing your attention to your abundance instead of dwelling on scarcity.

Look after yourself: Make it a priority to take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. Ensure you maintain a balanced diet, engage in regular exercise, and prioritise getting good-quality sleep. By fostering your overall well-being, you’ll be better equipped to tackle life’s challenges with resilience and strength.

Seeking professional help if needed: If these suggestions don’t address the issue, feel free to reach out, and we can discuss further. Coaching provides a powerful approach with various tools to tackle such challenges, and the personal development courses I offer are excellent resources for delving into this inner work. Remember, your value is intrinsic, and there’s immense potential waiting to be unleashed. Embracing your genuine self, cultivates confidence, enabling you to flourish in every area of life.

No two people are the same, so all my treatment programmes are bespoke, designed to meet the requirements and goals of each individual. I usually integrate all three disciplines, which I believe makes me a more effective coach enabling me to greatly enhance your therapeutic programme and accelerate your results.

I want to make appointments as easy as possible for you so offer sessions in person in clinic or online over Zoom.

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